Whitney Virginia Morgan

Aug 6, 2017

5 min read

Ghosting-A New Norm on the Frontiers of Modern Dating

A rotten new social acceptability and why you should stop doing it

If you are a young adult living in America, you probably know what this is. For those that don’t, here’s how The Urban Dictionary defines this cowardly act:

Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Since when did it become okay for men and women to just disappear without explanation. That’s right, women are just as guilty. I myself have done this a time or two, but I’m not going to anymore. It’s the cowards way. Who wants to have that awkward conversation explaining to the person you’re dating why you’re just not into them anymore? It’s uncomfortable, but you should still do it. Why? Because ghosting dehumanizes a person. It’s prevalence in essence says, “Our time together was so insignificant that I am now going to pretend like it didn’t even exist in the first place.” What’s worse is it leaves the other person confused. Most people want answers when they’re rejected. They want to learn from their experiences. Ghosting affords no such lesson. It can suck when a dating situation doesn't work out or one person feels more strongly that the other, so to have your lover explain why will at least give closure and understanding. If someone does decide to ghost you, for god’s sake, don’t ask them why!! Just the fact that they did it alone shows you they aren’t the person for you. Do you want a coward or a real man/woman? Someone who respects you enough to explain their feelings and give you the closure you need to move on with your life? I think so.

How different would the dating world be, if we all adulted-up a little more and ended things amicably WITH thorough explanation. I dare say even a phone call or face to face breakup. Text-dumping is lame and impersonal. I’d imagine that would eliminate some unnecessary baggage for most. When you understand, you’re not confused. People want to end things for a myriad of different reasons. For example, if a guy doesn’t want to keep pursuing me, and I find out the reason was he’s not over his ex. Guess what? That’s fine! Stings a little, sure, but it’s way waaay easier to take than straight ghosting. Ghosting leaves you in the dark wondering what the hell you said or did wrong. It can lead you down a spiraling road of self blaming and over-analyzing. Not helpful. Not healthy. We humans tend to blame ourselves a lot when things go wrong. An ex can have a lot of history. Maybe they were in love? Maybe they have kids together? That’s perfectly understandable.

Say, another reason might be- I don’t care for your personality. You’re kinda bossy. Well, all that means is there are two personalities on the planet that don’t mesh well for a compatible relationship. Who cares! There’s someone for everyone and the RIGHT person for you will LOVE your distinct personality. Me- I am a strong, outspoken-type of woman, so only a like-minded Alpha male can handle someone like me or I will completely take over my partner with my outgoing, go-getter type personality. That’s just how it is. The shy guy is attracted to me and sometimes I him, but it doesn’t work in the end. I need an equal-a leader. I need someone who can handle my sass and spunk and I dare say even enjoy it at times. Some men love it, other’s find it intimidating. Who cares! It’s all good. Honestly, some personalities just don’t go together. Why take it personally? Wait for the one that does.

People often end up trying to force their partner’s non-compatible personality to mesh with theirs when it was never meant to be in the first place. Being hot and having things in common isn’t enough for longevity. Then they end up resenting them for not fitting well with them or try to change them into what they should have waited to find. It’s illogical! Spend the time and find someone who actually compliments your unique set of attributes. It takes longer, but also lasts longer once you find them. Avoid unnecessary heartache by knowing what you need in the first place! A lot of people don’t even know what they need in a girlfriend or boyfriend. I used to be in that place and it left me super confused and dating a wide spread of different types of people, trying to figure it out as I go along. THAT way is exhausting, and in my opinion doesn’t even work. It just left me overwhelmed and confused.

Knowing what you want ahead of time, helps you recognize it when you see it. So. Much. Easier. No one is going to have everything on your proverbial list, but there are specific types of women or men who are just going to go with you. They are your tribe. Your peeps. When you find them, it’s just not that hard. You don’t pull teeth to understand one another. Great minds think a like and make for great relationships. Find like-minded people who view the world the same way you do, who have similar interests or hobbies. This will make meshing your lives together much breezier. Low stress. Not as much compromise. Work smarter and not harder when it comes to your love life.

Stop ghosting people. You’re better than that. You’re a mature adult with the capacity to treat people like people, not as a blip of time that never happened. Bite the bullet. Give the closure. People will appreciate it and respect you for it. Plus, if nothing else, it’s just good for your overall karma. Be different. Be that person that goes against what society says is acceptable and rather do what is kind and honorable. And who knows, maybe next time you fall for someone and they don’t like you back, you’ll get the same closure and be grateful for it.

Now, Poof! I’m out. (just ghosted you ;).

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