I’ve noticed something about myself lately that I don’t like and is really not serving me well in my dating life. I cut things off, easily and early. It’s like I don’t have any more patience for anyone anymore. I know this is wrong and I am willing to work on it. I sabotage things. It sucks. I know it’s wrong and unfair, but I can’t seem to bring myself to care. It’s a cycle I’m stuck in and not sure how to get out of. I’m not even sure why I do it? Probably a protective thing.
I get angry and just send a text and say I’m done. I’ve done this over and over the past 3 years. I usually regret it later and sometimes even try and come back. I’m pretty guarded with my heart these days. I do feel ready to share my life with someone, but I am so damn picky. Maybe too picky, I’m starting to think. I need to be more forgiving when a guy screws up.
Sometimes I think I’m testing them, subconsciously — perhaps. Seeing if they’re going to let me walk away so easy or fight for me. Often they don’t. I think it’s a pride thing. Or they don’t realize that’s what part of me wants. Don’t give up on me. Fight for me. Maybe that’s wrong of me. Unrealistic. They aren’t mind readers.
I’ve got to stop doing this. I’m going to end up pushing everyone away and end up being alone forever. Sure, there are certain things you shouldn’t deal with: chronic cheating, lying, rude or abusive…
