A Review of the Four Attachment Styles and Why Knowing Yours is Important
Attachment style is not something we easily think of when it comes to dating and relationships, but it affects us greatly and often it’s bubbling under the surface affecting our day to day lives and our interactions with others.
If you’ve ever found yourself not understanding your own behavior in your romantic relationships, your style of attachment could definitely give you some insight.
Why do you push people away when really deep down you’re longing for connection and intimacy with someone? Why do you cling so tightly when you know it’s wrong and that you should give your partner more room to breathe? Why do you feel the need to pull away from a partner when you get too close?
The relationships you had with your parents often affect how you connect to your romantic partners in adulthood. Most of us are aware of that to some extent, but how exactly and why do they affect us now?
In this article I will show you what the four styles of attachment are and explain to you how they can affect your romantic relationships. Don’t be too alarmed if you see after reading this that you fall into one of the more negative styles. Once you know what your attachment style is, you can alter it into the secure attachment style (the healthiest style).
It’s okay if you see that your style isn’t the greatest, after all, you didn't get to choose who your parents were, so the way you developed was somewhat out of your control. But as a grown and more aware adult, you can unwind the past and train your brain to react in healthier ways to triggers in relationships.
Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. — Dr. Lisa Firestone
Below are the Four Styles of Attachment according to Attachment Theory as founded by Dr. John Bowlby and his studies in developmental psychology. Bowlby coined the term in the late 60s and it was further explored and…
